“My child completely ignores everything I say!”
Can you relate?
I remember feeling this way when my son was really struggling with his ADHD symptoms.
Parenting a child with ADHD is tough and can easily lead to tension and conflict in the home.
Children with ADHD struggle with working memory, listening skills, and comprehension. They are also easily distracted and have a hard time focusing on something, especially if they don’t find that “something” interesting.
It makes sense, then, that children with ADHD would struggle with listening.
BUT, is it possible there are other reasons a child might struggle with listening to his or her caregivers…reasons that have nothing to do with ADHD and everything to do with patterns the family has developed?
That’s what I want to share today: 3 possible reasons a child might not listen to his or her caregivers (that have nothing to do with ADHD).
3 Reasons Your Child Doesn’t Listen to You:
Now, I do want to share a caveat, though. I’m NOT saying the caregiver is to blame for the child’s failure to listen.
Blaming ourselves does nothing to improve the situation.
Many caregivers of children with ADHD are WAY too hard on themselves already, so please don’t take these next few tips as criticisms.
Rather, use them as reminders moving forward.
Cut yourself some slack. If you’ve made mistakes, forgive yourself and do better.
Now, without further ado…3 reasons your child might not listen to you:
? Their priorities are different than yours.
Children with ADHD (actually ALL children) have different priorities than their caregivers.
We care about the laundry and the messes. They don’t.
As caregivers, it’s important to remind ourselves that they aren’t bad for not caring about the things we care about. They simply have different priorities than we do.
Now, that doesn’t mean they get a free pass on messes and laundry! But understanding where they are coming from can be helpful.
? They have learned they don’t have to pay attention to us until we yell.
Ouch, right?
This was me years ago, before I learned how to talk to my children without yelling.
They had learned that I wasn’t really serious until I yelled, so, in turn, they didn’t need to listen until I started yelling.
Have you unintentionally created an environment where your kids know they don’t have to listen until you yell at them? If you can relate, start making some changes today.
It is 100% possible to change this pattern! I’ve done it, and I know you can too!
(Need some help with this? Scroll down to the bottom of this post for more info!)
? They can’t because they don’t have the necessary skills yet.
Is it possible that what you are asking them to do, they aren’t yet capable of doing?
I love how Dr. Ross Greene focuses on lagging skills in neurodiverse children.
Sometimes, our children aren’t ignoring us, but are instead incapable of completing the tasks we have asked them to do.
Start paying close attention to when your child doesn’t listen. Look for patterns.
Maybe you’re asking them to do 3 things at once, and their minds aren’t yet capable of processing that many tasks at the same time.
Or maybe you’re asking them to do something that feels too big for them. Too overwhelming.
Can you break the task up into smaller chunks, and ask for one thing instead of 3?
Think through the instances where your child doesn’t listen and ask yourself if any of these 3 reasons could be contributing factors.
And as always, if my team and I can support you in the process, we’re always happy to help!
Need additional support as you care for a child with ADHD?
Have you checked out our ADHD Thrive Jumpstart 4 Parenting online program? If not, do that today!
