Confession time…

When my son was at his worst, I really didn’t like him. 

Ugh, I hate admitting that, but it’s true. 

Even though deep down I knew he couldn’t control his behavior, I still found myself blaming him for what he was putting me and our family through. 

I was miserable, and it was his fault! 

Can you relate to any of these feelings? Please tell me I’m not the only one! 

It took a long time for me to finally learn some tricks that have helped me  “NOT” blame him.

Here’s what I learned the hard way.

3 Tips to Help You NOT Blame Your Child (even if you are beyond frustrated with their behavior):

  • Remind yourself of Dr. Ross Greene’s mantra: “Kids do well if they can!” 

Everyone (your child included) wants to do well in life. No one wants to fight with those around them, feel uncontrollable big emotions, or constantly be in trouble. 

Your child doesn’t want to exhibit the challenging behavior they are displaying; they simply don’t have the skills necessary to handle whatever situation they are facing. 

It helps on the hard days to tell yourself over and over again, they are doing the best they can

  • Take a break to get some perspective. 

The old saying, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder,” is often true. When we are able to get away from our children, even if only for a short time, we can come back refreshed and better able to view them positively. 

  • Shift your focus from who is to blame to what needs to be done. 

Even if your child is 100% to blame, does it really do you (or them) any good to focus on that? 

Instead of placing blame, why not focus on what needs to be done? 

What skill is your child lacking that is causing them to struggle with this particular task? How can you as a parent respond in such a way that helps your child do better next time? 

HARD to parent kids that don’t fit the mold, and it is so easy to become bitter and angry toward the child who seems to be the cause of the stress in your home. 

Can you relate to these feelings? If so, which one of these tips do you plan to put into practice this week?


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And as always, I am not a medical doctor and the above post is based on my experience. No information on this site should be relied upon to make a medical diagnosis, treat, prevent or cure any disease or medical condition.